So let's see, in my 7 "days", I have nutrition, so I need to figure out 5 more areas. It really isn't very difficult if I'm honest. My creations are simply:
(1) Nutrition
(2) Work
(3) Exercise/Health
(4) Friendship/Community
(5) Love
(6) God
(7) And of course, "rest"
So today I'm at work in a HUGE three district professional development day. It's at my "house" and so I'm the hostess. That means the same as if you were all coming to my home for a party, I have to do all the work and you all show up and have a good time.
I am currently the Director of School Improvement in a 3A school in Iowa. I'm not sure how I got here but it had nothing to do with me, THAT I can tell you for sure. The one area of my life that God has always had complete control over is my "work". I hardly even pay attention, I just show up where he tells me to go. I always know what he wants me to do when I get there. Turn it upside down.
When I left High School, I headed to the University of Iowa and graduated with a B.A. in Social Work. I wanted to be involved in crisis services because it was edgy and sexy. There is nothing like getting a call at 2:00 a.m. and hearing the voice on the other end tell you they are about to kill themselves or being the first call to meet a rape victim in the emergency room at a local hospital. All that pain, all that drama seemed to make me feel like I had my hands on the pulse of a much bigger entity than myself. I liked being needed. I never saw myself that way before but in hindsight, it appears to be a very big part of why I work. I left Iowa and went to Arizona (I got cold) and ended up getting my Masters at ASU in Social Work. I worked in a prison for girls and that was another edgy world.
I got married to a man I met at ASU and because we were 28, we started a family fairly quickly. Jake was born in 1990 and something happened to me that I never saw coming. I wanted to stay home with him. You have to understand, up to that point, "I was NOT that GIRL!". I put myself through undergraduate and graduate school to do what? STAY HOME? That did not compute in my little sequential mind. I wasn't an organic type woman (they always stay home and breast feed until the child is like 5). I wasn't stupid (e.g., see previous mention of college degrees). So why? I don't think I even knew that first year why I did it. I just did it. Like a caterpillar that just instinctively does what it has to do to build a cocoon, I wrapped my beautiful little boy up and I became a full time mom. It was the worst year of my life.
I didn't know how to do this. I'm a very organized, intellectual woman who is used to having lots to do. Jake was far from high maintenance and with just the three of us, my house could only handle so much organizing and cleaning. I was a mess. I spent much of the year trying to find a schedule that wouldn't change. Just as I did.......you guessed it....it would change. But something else began to change that year too. I began to change. I began to become a mother and someone who would use all of her skills, all of her abilities and all of her intellect to be the best damn mother she could be. I wasn't going back to work and leaving this baby with ANYONE else.
So for the next 12 years and the next two children, I was a full time mom. Mothering became my JOB. My career was actually being a "housewife/mom" if you will. I still had degrees. As a matter of fact the first year I was home, I would answer every question of "what do you do" with "I have a master's degree but I'm home full time right now". It was critical that people KNOW that I was educated for crying out loud. I would dabble in things here and there as a volunteer as the kids got a bit older but for the most part, I was them and they were me. We moved to Iowa when Jake was 4 and Charlie 1 and had Rachel. I was the cul-de-sac mom who would stand outside talking to other moms while the kids ran wild in the streets of West Des Moines. We trashed teachers, gossiped about neighbors and secretly compared our children to one another.
I took classes here and there and ended up with both my Montessori credentials and my elementary ed credentials. Education has always been a passion of mine. When Rachel went to Kindergarten, I went with her (as her teacher). My intention was to work bell to bell so I could continue to focus on my kids and that was fine. I liked the extra money for future college bills, socializing and being smart and in charge again. This is how I expected things to continue.
In 2006, my husband and I decided to divorce. Okay, he decided to have a very long affair and I decided after finding out that I couldn't make that work and so we best be apart. Work became something much, much more to me again. I went into the public school system kicking and screaming. I hate rules and although I've managed so far not to have to follow very many of them, I am aware that on any given day, I might end up with someone who makes me. I hate the idea of "having to work". I hate the fact that my kids could have easily gone to college if their father and I were still married. I hate that I have to pay attention to money. But I do.
So I've been in public school for a very short time to be in such a big job. I remember when I messing around in the elementary education classes, people would say "you need to be in curriculum", "you need to be in the school improvement part of school", blah, blah, blah. Damned if that isn't where I am. It's good for me to be here. I'm good at this. I'm the person who comes into a district that needs change and I create it. I don't mind conflict, I'm not there to make friends, people generally like me and respect me so I have the skill set that makes this happen and then I usually move on. I'm the kind of personality that wears out her welcome after a short time.
As my children are getting ready to desert me and leave to college, I have to figure out where "work" fits into my life. I'm resistant to making my life ALL ABOUT WORK. Hell, if I was going to do that, I would have done it at a younger age. But how will work fit in? I know that God will figure this out for me as he has all along the way but I like to pretend like I'm part of the process. He gets a huge kick out of that from me.
As I move into my 50's and my mothering gets less and less and from more of a distance, how will I define myself? How will I use my "work" or my "job". Stay tuned.......
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