Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God with your body. 1 Corinthians, 6:19-20.
Sounds easy enough right? Jesus died on the cross for my sins so that I could live. My soul was bought and paid for by that act....so all that God asks is that I glorify God with my body. Then why do I allow it to be abused so regularly?
Today I feel like a mac truck not only ran over me......but backed up and took another shot. I'm at home and I can barely move. I'm sore and I'm tired and I feel terrible. Why? For starters, this week was a week of nothing but stress..cortisol, stress hormones, unconscious eating, emotional eating....absolutely nothing but stress. I spent the week in meetings. Not just any kind of meetings but meetings with staff. Two of my buildings are SINA schools and so 2 of the days this week was spent in the process of developing a plan to deal with it. I had a board meeting Monday night (15 hour day) where the desire to punish one family in the district was so powerful that something that I wrote that should have taken 15 seconds to pass by the board became an hour of nonsense, arguments and negativity. I spend my days getting beat up by all three of my buildings because they are out of control. One of my administrators doesn't "administrate" and simply lets his building run wild. I know want to go on because thinking about it and talking about it just prolongs the stress.
The complete irony is that other than a few people (I can't name them, I'm just assuming they exist) these people want me to stay in the district because I tell the truth, push them to change and try to keep their focus on the kids. Not sure I'm having much luck right now with that.
It's killing me. Every Friday I feel horrible. I feel better if I can control my food and exercise but I don't ever feel "light" and "free". I just feel better. It's easy to say.......Robin, leave. However, what you have to understand is that God put me there. I certainly didn't want to drive two hours a day to work. I certainly didn't want to go into this broken district with no leadership and take it on. God put me there. When I can go, he'll put a job in front of me and I will start all over again. This has always been how it works for me. God has never put me anywhere this level of negativity. I eat it, breathe it and wear it everytime I'm there.
In an effort to cope this year, I decided to only drive 3 of the 5 days when I can. I try to schedule things so that I go to work M, W and F and work from home on T and Th. For the most part I have been able to do that and so instead of driving an hour in the morning to work, I pop over to the gym for a work out. It helps me deal with the other three days.
I have to figure out what to connect the idea that my body is a temple.......that my number one goal, purpose, task is to treat myself as though God lives inside of me....keeping my "temple" clean and healthy....instead of feeling like I'm bathed in anger, negativity, in some cases, just plain meanness. I start each week with a bit of energy and I end on Friday feeling like an 80 year old woman.
Maybe I'm supposed to figure out how to keep that focus IN this type of place.? I don't know......but I'm tired and I'm worn and I don't feel happy.....
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