Contentment

Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to make good for as long as they live; also that everyone should eat, drink and take pleasure in all his toil--this is God's gift to man.

I'm in that place....that place in between questions, in between confusion ....I'm in that place in between healing from the past and fretting about the future....I'm in that place.  I'm in that place where I believe that all is okay.  I can't say that I'm HAPPY but I'm content.   I'm content in this place.

I believe this place is a place that God created for me.  I don't know how I get here and I never know how long it will last.  But I'm here now.  The stars have aligned and I have this place of rest.....this time of contentment. 

In this place I feel no judgment about myself.  I don't feel like I need to change or be different.  I have a sense of acceptance of myself...a sense that I'm here for a reason and that I'm unique.  This place happens when I'm somewhere between overwhelmed and tired and completely rested.  Either of those extremes takes me out of this place.  It is in the middle that I feel most real.  A bit too tired to care about petty things and petty problems but not so tired that I feel lost.

I am powerful in this place.  I am most real in this place.  I know who I am and I know what my gifts are.  It is as close to self-love as I ever experience.  It's calm.  I enjoy this place...but I don't control this place or my ability to get here.  I just don't.  It is a gift from God and I smile when I'm here. 

Someday maybe I'll truly realize that God always wants me to be in this place and that I leave it by choice.  I leave it much in the same way we hand things over to God and take them back.  Someday maybe I'll realize that opening the door to leave is within my power and a function of my choice and I will refuse to leave it because God is so present to me here.

For now........I just know that I'm here.....in this place.