The Competition of Love

In Romans 12:10:  "Love one another with mutual affection, outdo one another in showing honor."


I live in a world of competition.  I am the mother of athletes and honor roll students.  I live in a world of high stakes test scores and how they determine important things that impact kids.  Let's face it, whatever your story, we all live in a world of competition.  What I love about this verse is that it takes that competitive spirit and it gives it a twist.  Imagine if we lived in a world where our "gaming" had to do with trying to outdo each other by showing honor or love?


I love that song by The Chiffons "My Boyfriends Back".  When I would hear it as a young girl, it always spoke to that "girly" part of me deep down that wanted a boyfriend who would protect me.  The lyrics are:  "My boyfriends back and you're gonna get in trouble".  YEA BABY!  Look out.


My boyfriend is back.  I was in a 10 month relationship that ended in August that was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life.  Jeff is 12 years younger than I am....incredibly attractive.  He is filled with fun and makes me laugh until I can't breathe anymore.  We ended our relationship because Jeff needs to spend some time on his own, settle into his own house (living on his own for the first time--his divorce is fresher than mine), he wants to work a lot right now in his life and I want to make sure that my mothering is my number one priority.  It was getting difficult for us to make time for each other and at this place in our lives, we felt we needed to put that priority into something else.  It wasn't that we stopped loving each other.  We simply are not talking about forever at this point.  In relationships, you tend to either move forward or cease.  We ceased in August.


I cried and I readjusted to being alone again.  I cried....But I'm in a different place now.  I'm in a place where I enjoy that my heart is full for him.  I love this man.  I love this man. I like who I am filled with love for this man.  He wraps his arms around me and I fit just under his huge biceps as they wrap around my shoulders.  I feel safe with him.  I feel protected.  I don't have a history of feeling that.  My father died when I was 17 and my ex-husband was a weak man emotionally and spiritually.  Jeff is a strong man...physically strong, but a very soft heart.  I feel safe.


With the break that we had, we will not return to the place we were before.  We are trying a new place.  We are moving to a place of love but accepting that we have other priorities and so that may mean we see each other on a weekend and sometimes not for two weeks (you should see my basketball schedule for 2 high schoolers of different sexes).  FOUR TEAM (JV, JV and V V).  But its okay.  


Our plan is to outdo each other in loving the other with our current set of circumstances and let the future take care of itself....


Part of my transition into being an independent woman in her 50's is that I'm not sure anymore that I want another marriage.  I want love but not so sure about marriage.  My brother's godmother whom I love is about 82 and Mike died when she was in her 40's.  She has a boyfriend whom she loves but they never married.  She said to me "I thought I would marry but I've decided that I'm meant to be the matriarch of this clan".  She has grown children, grown grandchildren and almost grown GREAT grandchildren...she has buried 2 of her 4 children.  


I will always be a mother first.  My kids will always be my number one focus.  I could make their father, my husband, my priority because we were their parents and were that family unit.  But I will never have another man take his place at my side as a priority over my children.  


I am meant to be the matriarch of this clan..............